at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
