My brain says no but my pants say off.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
