And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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