a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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