I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
