She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize