Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
