i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
