I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
