Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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