dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
