you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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