that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
