Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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