the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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