Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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