then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You are the jesus of drinking
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
