last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
