I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
