That's intense
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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