Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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