You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
