I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
