You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
