p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Operation Purity has been aborted
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
