Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
do herpes really smell.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
