I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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