mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
