I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
