I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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