I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
