No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
