My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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