"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
