My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I supernannyed him into submission
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
