i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
