I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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