You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
