I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
