1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
