dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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