I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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