so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
