There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
