I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just gift wrapped bread.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
