Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
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