I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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