weddingsv make me drug and hornr
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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