Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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