is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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