my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think im going to throw up on grandma
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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