Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
