just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
