bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
