i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize