Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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