When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
