I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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