I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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