I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
