Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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