so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
