you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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