I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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