you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
