and she was petting her beer can
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
