I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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