she woke up with a sticky ear
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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