Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
