Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
