you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize