I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
