So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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