laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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