So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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