just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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