hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
