Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
